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We've come this far. We might as well have comfort. Two seconds, I'll just go and wash up." She gave him a deliberate supportive smile as she indicated her cum-stained arm and disappeared into what was obviously the en-suite.Ryan couldn't see what they could do now. He was limp, useless and still disappointed in himself. A vast lawn and multitudes of shrubs and flowers in the garden at the rear of the house was what he saw as he looked out of the large window. It seemed sad that Sarah would be giving up this impressive property, but he could appreciate the loneliness of being in such a big house.As she washed, Sarah was wearing a half smile. Her direction was clear now, and that was to give Ryan confidence. She wasn't kidding herself, and still had hopes that there would be some degree of physical comfort coming her way. With that in mind, she moved back into the bedroom to find Ryan looking out of the window."Time to start," she said softly, her hands lingering at the tie of her. It didn't. I kept staring at attractive women, noticingthings I'd never noticed before. How they moved, how their voicessounded, the shape of their wrists and hips. All I could think was thatI'd never have what they have. I musta been pretty drunk, but the feelingwon't go away. I keep looking at my hands and I hate them so much, thereso big and broad, like the rest of me. I thought that's what I alwayswanted, but I can't stand it. I feel like a monster.DAY 30Saw Dr. [Name Redacted] and told her about how I'm feeling. She referredme to a therapist. A month ago I would've hated the idea, butnow...anything that might help with the way I'm feeling.DAY 32Had my first appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. He said it soundedlike I might have gender dysphoria. I fuckin' walked out. I'm not a [SlurRedacted], I'm a man!DAY 34Felt like shit again. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up anotherappointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptomsfit.DAY 35Second appointment.
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